yep, im still here..hangin by a thread

just fyi, if its the last thing I do, ill get an explanation as to why, why this woman chose to tear my life apart, in every sense....my whole life has been a series of attempts at putting my trust in people...and ultimately being let down...but I never gave up on the hope that eventually, someone would show up and make it all worth while...and as strange as it may seem, I felt kim was that person...because she had lived a similar life, although she reacted differently. I actually thought she would appreciate someone who didn't judge her..who was patient...who would sacrifice...once again, in the end, she turned out to be just a self centered, self serving sociopath...not caring in the least about the pain she was, and still is causing not just me, but countless others.. anyway, the hard feelings are pretty much gone...now its just craving truth...something I have the right to know...I will...I swear..

people say time heals all wounds..........not sure thats true.

my opinion is that not time, but new and good things in someones life take away the pain and sorrow temporarily, but the actual wound never really heals, ecspecially at an age that is considered middle age....ive personally been absolutely destroyed by women ive given my heart and soul to just twice in my life....unfortunately, both in the last 5 years....In my personal case, ive been "dumped" plenty of times over the years. actually most times, because I wanted to end it, but could not for the life of me hurt someone like that. So I would create a situation that would allow the woman some dignity, and let her dump me...I swear that's true....I have NEVER cheated on a wmman in my life, despite temptation and opportunity. So I guess what Im getting at is how in Gods name, can a woman lie, and lie, and deceive, and sneak, and cheat, and take advantage of a man like me, and not think for a single second that its wrong?.......how do people do it?....the most crucial thing in a humans life, love, can be considered so unimportant?.... anyway, these two instances in which I gave every ounce of my soul to someone, and was thrown out like garbage, and in Kims case spoken about as a "stalker", have literally destroyed me. mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, I am destroyed.....Lost 30 lbs over 3 years.....lost any motivation to do anything....Make money....Continue my education. Keep myself in physical shape...keep myself dressed well...well groomed....be social....etc...Everything gone....One day, just told by the cops to shut up, and just forgotten...completely forgotten....by a woman who I gave so much love, patience, understanding, forgiveness, and faith to.......because she told me again and again that we were going to be ok. because I was "the one"...I was everything she ever wanted in a man.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........fuck it.............. '